Dana White: Cro Cop “Undisputed” Stats Now To Be Even Shittier

DW

Fresh off his uninspiring loss to Junior Dos Santos at UFC 103, fading heavyweight MMA icon Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic was greeted with the sad news that his character stats in “UFC Undisputed”, which were already well off the level of a top performer, are going to be falling even further.

“It’s disappointing, you know,” said Filipovic to Croatian newspaper Jutarnji.  “I thought for all I did for the sport he could at least rate me higher than Antoni Hardonk.” 

White was far from contrite when questioned about the stat shift.  “We don’t think people want to fuckin’ play as the Cro Cop that demolished the Pride OWGP.  We think guys are sitting in their living rooms sayin’, you know, ‘Hey, this shit between Cro Cop and Mustapha al-Turk could be anyone’s ballgame.’  We’re going to lower him down to like, 75 overall so he can get fucked up by Brandon Vera over and over again.  I don’t know about you, but I get jacked watching him lose a decision to Cheick Kongo.”

Asked what other concessions future Undisputed iterations could make in the name of realism, White outlined several things that are purportedly on the drawing board for Undisputed 2010.  “Career mode is going to include Rampage Jackson fucking off from a fight to go and play B.A. Baracus in a Hollywood film,” he said.  “And we’re going to have it so that there’s some percent chance of Tim Sylvia shitting himself.  It’s all going to be in there.  Then we’re going to put in a Fedor Emelianenko career mode where you get points for ducking quality opponents and fighting fucking tomato cans and pituitary cases in Japan.”

Asked about a possible legal issue with Emelianenko’s likeness, White waved his hand.  “We’ll just call him Bedor Benilianenko, people will get the idea.”

(Ok, a quick note:  I have never played UFC Undisputed 2009 and I don’t plan to, but I *am* a fan of MMA.  The first thing I noticed when flipping through the strategy guide was that Cro Cop was in the game, but at a stat level commensurate with his performance in the UFC, where he’s looked like utter shit every time he’s stepped into the ring.  UFC Undisputed needs a “legend mode” where you can play as a fighter during his prime.  In 2-3 years Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva are going to be ready for the old-age home but there’s no need to push them off onto a gaming ice floe to die like a pair of Inuit grandparents.)

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