Video Game Characters Vs. New York Yankees, Game 2


Game 2 – Thursday, April 9th, 2009

Video Game All-Stars 17,  New York Yankees 1

After a sound defeat in Game 1 of the series, a proud Yankees team was ready to return to Nintendo Park and even things up.

The home team made sure that didn’t happen.

Pouncing on beleaguered Yankee starter Andy Pettitte from the very first pitch, the All-Stars crushed the Yankees 17-1 in a game that many fans knew was over before the first inning had even concluded.  Seven of the runs were surrendered by Pettitte, who threw only 34 pitches before getting the hook.  The veteren hurler took it in stride.  “They have a combat android on their team,” he said, matter-of-factly.  “What do you want from me?” 

Overall, the Yankee staff had a bad day, even surrendering three RBI singles to weak-hitting anime otaku Hal Emmerich.  The All-Stars’ catcher, Diddy Kong, did the most damage with a perfect 5-5 afternoon at the plate.  Joe Girardi offered one possible explanation at the post-game press conference for the little monkey’s peak performance.  “Typically our guys’ stuff will sink away from a hitter…but he’s already right down there.”

Despite the scoring gap, tempers were kept in check.  Rumors were heard after the game that one Yankee reliever was considering throwing high and inside at an All-Stars hitter, only to be informed that the pitcher for the opposing team was a Shotokan Karate master who could hurl energy balls from his palms.  An unnamed source in the Yankee clubhouse had this to say:  “Jeter just walked up to the kid and said, ‘If you throw at one of them, I’m going to kill you.'”

The home team was firing on all cylinders and the sentiment around the locker room was that a four-game sweep was a foregone conclusion.  Indeed, if anything sabotages this talented lineup of gaming stars, it will be internal strife.  Cloud Strife, that is.  Nursing a wrist injury and out an estimated six weeks, Strife declined to comment on the Yankees and instead focused on the 0-5 hitting performance of his teammate, Sephiroth. 

“He says he will never be ‘only a memory’, but today his bat speed certainly was,” said Strife.

Asked to comment, the silver-haired slugger only shrugged.  “He can say what he wants.  I still murdered his girlfriend in front of him,” he replied.

For the Yankees, the focus now turns to whether or not manager Joe Girardi can come up with a lineup for Game 3 that will make a dent in the All-Stars pitching.  “It’s tough,” the skipper conceded.  “Masters was really throwing habookens out there.  Is that how you say it?  Habookens?…It’s hadoukens?  Well, whatever.”


The All-Stars lead the series 2-0. 

To be continued in Part 3.


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